Thursday, December 30, 2010

Personal Blog:: Dog Butt 12/30/10



Let see, I woke up this morning to a nightmare. You know the kind, that you soooo don't want to wake up too.  Maybe your morning nightmare is kids screaming at you in to get up in the morning.  Or worse, a phone call telling you that your car was found in a watery ditch.  OK, maybe that last one is a bit far fetched, but still really scary to think of.  This morning one of my nightmares happened.  My new puppy decided to lick my face.


GROSS!!!


My senses were barely coming too when I felt the slobber on my face.  The split second before I realize she was doing this, I thought it was just me lying in a puddle of slobber on my pillow.  I opened my eyes to see a black faced lab and her tongue.


GROSS!!!


I guess my other self was in a conversation with my daughter.  Cause I woke to me yelling at my daughter to go back to her room.  Which is kinda a funny thought, why was she there and what were we talking about???


Never mind, back to the dog... Her tongue was licking me on my nose and lips.  Even though I was still in the middle of realizing the situation, I had a small memory play in my mind and it made me shutter.


She had poo in her mouth... GROSS!!!






Now with every lick I felt the brown substance rubbed all over my face.  GERMS!!! Germs were on my face.  I have been very afraid of this happening and... well it happened today.  This actually was the tail end of the nightmare! (sorry for the dog reference)


I remember a time when I would go to bed and have difficulty falling asleep or getting comfortable.  Now those were the good old days.  Now a days I'm lucky if I don't get "Dog Butt"  You asks, what is "Dog Butt"? Well it is when your dog decides to push her snout up your backside.  I have not a clue as to why she does this.  What is the appeal?  In many ways, its as if she was a 4th child, weaseling her way in between us.






If you think that is bad, I have to sleep next to Darth Vader at night.  I'm sure your wondering about this comment.  See, my husband has this breathing machine that he wears at night.  And when the mask slips of his face just a bit, it makes "Darth Vadar" noises.  If this doesn't get resolved, he then starts to snore.  I have to hit my husband and tell him to fix it.  He doesn't realize this and never has no memory of it the next day.  (must be nice)


Well between the dog and Darth Vadar, I'm getting about enough sleep as a baby.  Every 3 hours I have to get up and take the dog to go potty.  Then climb back into bed.  But wait, there is more, yes more to this horrible night.  When I get out of bed I turn down the sheets to get out and then when the dog is done doing it's "business" I go back to bed.  Well because of the snow we have been having, she has been leg deep in it.  When I get back she has already beat me to it.  She is lying in my spot and getting it all wet and smelly.  Now I have a wet soggy spot and it smells of "wet dog".


I don't know how I had this placed upon me, but this is my job.  From what I remember, my daughter asked for a dog and I know my husband wanted one as well.  I don't remember me saying, "Hey I really want a dog to disrupt my nightly sleeping habits." NOPE, I was not the one.  Well now I have to take care of it like a baby.  When she makes a mess, I'm the one that cleans it up.  OY!!!

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