Saturday, February 12, 2011

Dave:: Why I De-Friended You on Facebook 2/12/11

I finally got my Facebook connections down to a comfy 70 or so people.  Who got cut?  Why?  What does it mean? 

Facebook comic illustrating immaturity of Facebook

Well, here was my trimming logic:
  • If I added you, but our relationship wasn't presently tangible be it due to natural decay, apprehension, a sense of reservation on your part or mine, or something else - I'd prefer you read my blog or Google me when you're curious.   Under this configuration I'm probably pandering to you in the first place, which is something we're both above.  CHOP. CHOP. CHOP.
  • If you added me or I added you, but, you're an online social marketer or disseminator where the value of our connection was more about my presence adding a node of value to your online reach - I'd prefer to visit your blog (or You Tube Channel, or Twitter account - turns out that most connections that fit this category are the same people who keep an abundance of online feeders, which is cool because just because you're good at networking online and somewhat invested in it, doesn't mean I want to lose touch).  CHOP. CHOP.
  • You're a woman I added thinking you were attractive and figured Facebooking might be the start of something.  But now, I humorously regard my own folly for the desperate cliche' that such Facebook friending is.  CHOP. CHOP. CHOP. CHOP. CHOP. CHOP. CHOP. (Jesus!) CHOP.
  • You requested friendship and I accepted but I really have no idea who you are.  And worse, you remain ominously silent, never e-mailing, never commenting on one of my tweets, never posting anything to my wall.  Kinda creepy.  CHOP. CHOP.
  • You're a Starbucks laptop politician looking for my vote and support every single day while you work to break into holding your first public office.  Again, not that you wouldn't have my vote and not that I don't support you, but as above, I'd just as soon pop in on your blog when I've got a taste to get behind a runner.  Right now the President is a friend, and I'm even thinking about dropping him.  So don't feel bad.  CHOP.  CHOP.  CHOP. CHOP.
  • I de-friended you accidentally.  In this case you simply need to request re-friending.  If I initiate the re-friending, the whole sudden "de-friending re-friending" thing will simply make me look neurotic.  I admit, this is a helpful category because if anyone should confront me on why I de-friended them, I can tell them, yeah, this paragraph was about them.
All this begs the question, what were the characteristics of people I kept?
  • My new Facebook Friending Standard:  If I genuinely like you.  If I see your picture or avatar in my feed and I get a warm feeling, perhaps due to a friendly time we spent actually dating, chatting, drinking, or working together, I kept you.   Even if it hasn't been recently.
  • If you're a family member.   Family is family after all.
  • Power Play.  Sure maybe I got reservations about you and more than likely vice versa.  But, shoot, I'd be politically crazy not to stay connected and up to date with your birthday or latest divorce.  Hey, after all, I'm there for ya, man.
  • Something of a variant:  Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.
  • You're a woman I added thinking you were attractive.  I figure Facebooking might be the start of something and, as of yet, fail to humorously regard my own folly for the desperate cliche' that such Facebook friending is.


  1. I'm glad you posted this. Good feedback.

  2. Simplegirl, so glad you enjoyed. I love finding good reads