Monday, February 14, 2011

Lighter Side of Getting Canned 12/14/11


After burning through 10 jobs in 10 years Franklin Scheinder decided to make a living tell his crummy job story! Schneider has skimmed money off token sales at a mall arcade, manned the cash register overnight at a XXX video store, harassed people during dinner as a telemarketer, worked at a failed start-up and shredded millions of dollars worth of contracts at a construction company (no one seemed to care).


And while his vivid descriptions of creepy regulars and unpleasant duties at the porn shop might have you believe he’d reached the bottom of the barrel, for Schneider, it was still a notch above telemarketing.


“Telemarketing required that you actively exploit people, whereas the porn shop was just selling people things to look at while they touched their genitals,” he said.


As it turned out, Schneider became quite good at exploiting people. For one week he said he was the top-selling telemarketer in America.


Despite his success (he even earned the executive parking spot), Schneider’s favorite crappy job was writing for Commotion, a doomed startup company that hoped to sell digital music and movies to college kids.


“Once it became clear that the business was going to fail and all hope was lost, it got sort of interesting. Fistfights, screaming matches, lots of [expletive]. It was like ‘Lord of the Flies’ with beanbag chairs and [worthless] stock options,” he told AOL News.


Today, Schneider remains happily out of work in Washington, D.C. His unemployment ran out at the beginning of last summer after 102 consecutive weeks. Although the system mandates a continued job search, he had been sending out a resume littered with typos, bad fonts and emoticons to ensure that no one would hire him.


Schneider is now “pretty much still coasting” from his book advance and occasional freelance writing.


“As I was writing the book, I realized that I will never work again. Even if I wanted to, I’m now completely incapable of holding down a job,” he said. “I’ve become so absorbed in my own little world, I’m like one of those kids who was raised by wolves.”


Fortunately, Schneider is blessed with cheap rent, helping him stretch his meager unemployment checks far enough to get by. He said his landlord moved to a Third World country years ago and hasn’t kept up with the rising property values. Go Franklin go, all the power to your success!

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