Thursday, February 24, 2011

Personal Blog:: The pain I wish I received 2/24/11

I'm finally adding to my last blog posting.  Sorry I didn't make it longer, but my heart was in my throat and I had to recover my stance.

My dog Henry and I were the best of friends.  I'm sure most of you all know "Calvin & Hobbes".  Well we were very much that.  We played Monopoly, and he always would win.  We would play outside and pretend we were blasting off into far off worlds.  We would watch TV and pretend we were where the characters were.  And we would hold each other when my dad would yell.  He never cried, and he liked my tears off my face.  We at times would try to make a game out of being quiet.

One night my dad came home from one of his drunkin nights out.  And my mom and me were eating dinner.  He came in and we held our breath. (my mom, me and henry)  Waiting to see what type of mood he was in.  Well he came in a saw us at the dinner table and shut the door. My mom and I looked at each other and prayed within that milasecond of a glance.  He just stared at up and laughed a joking laugh.  We smiled at him and tried to get on his good side right off the bat.  My mom hopped up and said let me get you a plate.  And I ran over to give him a hug.  The hug w"please, please, please, don't be angry at us for no reason at all" hug.  But to our surprise our efforts were useless.  He stopped me before I could make the hug and said to me in a low clear voice...

"Do I look like an Idiot?"  I said "No".  "Do you think that I wouldn't know what you did?" his voiced raised.  I then gulped and summoned the courage to ask what my crime was.  "I know you have been talking to other men!!" scared and shocked at his answer I said, "I haven't dad, I don't know what it would be about, I was just a school"  He then put his hand on my shoulder and with a hardy shove, thew me down on the ground.  "NOT YOU... YOU'RE MOTHER!!! YOUR WHORE OF A MOTHER. SHE HAS BEEN TALKING TO OTHER GUYS WHEN I'M NOT AROUND!!!  I GUESS SHE THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER KNOW... well I know now!  And I'm going to have to teach her a lesson."  His voice lowered with a strong sense of joy for what he was going to do.  What he was going to take pleasure in doing to my mother.  When I was shoved, I landed with a thud and found myself looking to my mother.  She was just as surprised to hear this answer as I was.  He walked towards her pushing chairs aside and anything else that was in the way.  I lept to my feet and tried to grab my dads angry fists.  He told me to stay out of it, or I was going to be next.  I didn't want to be next I want to be first.

He got a hold of my mother standing against the sink as she weeped and begged for understanding.  All the while he yanked her arm into the bedroom.  Where I wasn't allow to see.  My mother begging and begging for compassion.  Which he would never relay.  I sat next to the door not being able to do anything for her.  Not being able to cover her with my body and take the beating for her.  I always did my best to take most of the beating for her.  I love my mother with such love, that the pain to me was nothing. the pain she would feel for days beyond today, excruciating.  She weeped and begged like he liked her to do, like the sick way he got back at her.  He grabbed her neck and started to squeeze her.  Squeeze her like she was just a type of trash that needed to be thrown out.  I started to hit him from behind.  I hit will the strength of a 7 year old.  He thinking this was amusing quickly turned to annoyance.  He once again threw me to the ground and said I will deal with you next.

At this time, the neighbor heard the yelling and commotion.  The door bell ring, I yelled, "HELP! HELP!" which only came out as a soft voice less cry. My voice was almost gone from yelling.  I tried again, "HELP! HELP!" yet again it was a voiceless squeak. Tear came, they came down my face as if the water line broke.  Feeling my one chance for help fading away.  My father let my mom go and she pulled the air from room into her lungs with a loud gasp.  Her face was bluish and her neck was red.  My father went to answer the door and I pulled myself up yet once again.  I rushed to my mom side to see if she was alive.  I hugged her and weeped, thinking this had to end.  Asking heavenly father to take me and my mom... NOW.  I heard the door shut and the footsteps coming towards us.

But he didn't come into the bedroom he went to the bathroom.  My mom whispered "don't worry".  I still cried.  At this point my mind turned to Henry.  Where was he? He needs to be here, he is part of the family.  I could hear my father washing his hands, so I snuk into my room and got him from under the sheets.  When I returned my dad was in the room standing over my mom.  I feared the worst. I ran in and jumped next to my mother, henry in hand.  "BITCH, your lucky" he stated.  I have no clue how she was lucky.  He was still drunk and staggering, but he found a way to the front door and walked out.  My voice returned again and I asked my mom if she was alright.  Her voice on the other hand was soft and meek.  She looked at me and saw the pain I had in my face, and she hugged me.  Oh to feel her holding me, knowing that her arms can still hold me was the best feeling in the world.  Even though she was hurt, I felt like nothing would pull us apart.  We fell asleep in this position, the position that I felt safe in.

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