Saturday, February 8, 2014

Personal Blog:: Journal and Dirty Laundry... - 2/1/14 Part 2

I have been keeping a communication journal, a place where we can write to each other. I have been trying to communicate with them and I know they communicate a lot through Jimmy and Natalie. And they even communicate things that I don’t like.  One of these days, well a few of the past days all out of the blue, maybe one of the alter will confront Jimmy and say "Charly doesn't like you doing this.” And he is completely like “what? I don’t understand” and they just tell him and things that I want to keep a secret, they just confront them with it. In some ways it is kind of good, because I don’t have to tell him he already knows, and he is going to work on whatever that problem is. But if it was just me and my own thinking, I would have just let it go and become a headache and let it gnaw at me. Ugh it would just become a complete pain, but it was also very difficult because some keep some secrets I want to keep to myself. Some things I just, I mean that what keeps marriage a mystery I guess. Sometimes, well lots of times marriage is tough, marriage is really hard, marriage can sometimes become askew.  

Priorities are there for a reasons and if you don’t know your priorities then you need to stop what you’re doing and put together a priority list, even if it is small and is silly, just may be a priority list for the day. Like drop clothes off at the dry cleaners, make sure to pick up some medicine for your daughter.  Just write them down, even if you write them down and have them in a notebook you can keep and you date every day, you’ll see that you have been accomplishing things. And when the end of the day comes around you will see “oh I marked four things off on my list today”. It doesn't need to be a priority list, it can be a “To Do List”. But you can mark it off and when you think back “what did I do today? I feel like I just wasted the day” you’ll be able to look at that list and go “wow, I guess I did get some things done”. I guess things aren't as bad as you would think and I think lots of people always pull themselves down thinking they didn't do this or they didn't do that, because it was the major priority. But if you think about it you did quite a bit, it may not be noticeable but it keeps you and the world turning. I think that with the alters, they have been taking over or what 


I call it, “hijacking” me and I believe that they are kind of now beginning to seeing that they don’t need to protect me, I know what I’m doing, I know how to make dinner, I know how to do laundry, granted somebody can keep doing the laundry cause I don’t want to do laundry.  They are really helpful and as time goes by they will see that they don’t need to take over and make me miss out on memories and feelings or fun times or talks and conversations. I think I kind of slightly believe that there letting me run my life again.  Which in a way I was already doing my life just fine. 

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