Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Personal Blog:: Sometimes I wish I had more time - 12/10/14

Well things in my life have become weird and kind of funny. I must apologize for not keeping up with the different changes that has been going on. I really don't think my blog is going to be written in the style that you guys are used to.

About 2 weeks ago I came into a very horrible memory. In fact this memory is what started it all. This memory is the start to the rest of my existence. This memory would be the one that changes me into the person that I am today, now. I also have a bit more understanding about alters more and the role they play in my life. They can be very annoying and taxing. I don't have 24 hours like normal people, it is more around 13 hours. I sure do feel like I'm getting the bad end of the deal. They truly can be selfish. The funny thing about them is they think they are the best alters ever. I know for a fact that they like to boss each other around.

With the new changes that have happened, they are very upset. A new alter has been brought into the fold. What makes this new alter interesting, she can't talk. She can only sign as in sign language. I have taken sign language when I was young and in college. I was working on getting my signing certificate. Well life happened and it never came to be. I still tried to keep it up but have lost a lot of the words. The new alter, Marley, is learning as fast as she can. She has my old books out and has been doing the best she can at learning them. My family has been forced into learning as well. I know it is going to be hard. From what my family tells me it is hard for her to communicate. I sometimes can see what she is doing and where she goes. But it is kind of watching as if it was a dream.

I am still having a hard time with my new life style. It isn't something I wouldn't recommend this to anyone. I am always curious as to what they are doing. I do know they are always a mother first and foremost to my daughter. They are very protective of her. My daughter says that sometimes they won't let her do anything because they don't know if "I" would approve of it. Since coming out and being part of the real world they are now well schooled in what I will and won't allow. Just having that security of mind makes me feel a lot better when I'm not around. I think this has been a learning experience for all of us. Granted they do say that they have been with me since I was 3.

That brings up a lot of other questions. So all those times thru out my life they have been doing things and I have no clue what. I'm super worried about what I might have been doing. Did I do stupid things? Say stupid things? Tell stupid things? Oh dear, I try not to let it get to me but I wonder so much. I can only hope that everything was ok. I know that at some times my friends would say I did something and I have no clue what they are talking about.

Does anyone out there have D.I.D.? Does anyone have stories that you can share with me? I will do the best at keeping up with my blog more.  :)

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